Audio Documentary: Begin Again

Does a fresh start ever truly mean starting over? In 2018 I decided it did. I moved to Ottawa for university and was looking for a way to distance myself from my past.

I was looking to reinvent myself and fit into the classic motif of "university student". I had experienced a lot of trauma growing up. I so badly wanted to leave home and it often felt like I was unable to make any minor mistake because it could jeopardize that opportunity. However, when I went to Ottawa, I was finally free. I wanted to only have to worry about the little things for once. I was hoping the city would provide a space where my biggest problems where passing a midterm or figuring out what to eat in the dining hall.

I used the city to try and forget the past but, my history followed me. No matter what I did it lurked in the background. The harder I seemed to push it down the harder it pushed back. I watched it impact my relationships, my self esteem and my education. I resented its presence.

Over time you have to accept that the only way to get past your trauma is to heal through it. It doesn't ever go away, it just gets a little quieter.